When I first moved into the new neighborhood, I initially struggled to become friends with my next-door neighbor Mamacita Gucci Lupe Chici Selena. She was a lively Mexican woman, who appeared to be in a world of her own. She consistently had bloodshot eyes, laughed at incredibly unfunny jokes, and played Mexican music loudly from her beat up car, which I keyed on a consistent basis. In reality, she was constantly high off the drugs she dealt to neighborhood children.
At first I was polite but then I was driven to anger. It frustrated me that this Mexican drug dealer had the nerve to preach to me about the biblical covenant, when she was selling illegal substances to young children. The irony of it made me spite her and I decided to destroy her victory garden containing contraband. One night, when her boyfriend Don Pablo came over, I decided to light the garden on fire. However, as I was lighting the garden, I began to inhale the fumes from the growing marijuana. The overwhelming sensation caused me to reconsider her presence next door and I decided to call animal control to deport her. When the po-po came to collect the diseased dog, they were surprised to find she was an actual human. They refused to remove her from the neighborhood so they asked us to come to a mutual understanding to stay out of each other’s way. We did bong hits from an armistice bong and ever since we have been friendly toward each other. I can honestly say Mamacita Gucci Lupe Chici Selena has the best weed ever.
